Hey all!
First, let me paste the link to my newest song, Passion. Yay.
Next up, I just feel like talking about how I gave back to myself today.
Now, obviously I knew that today was post day. But I didn’t have any idea/inspiration that came to me. So obviously I was just gonna let it casually take its time to simmer under the surface…
Today I slept till rather late for once. I think it was almost 10 that I woke up? Huh! Yep. Later than usual for sure. And basically, I’d kinda been so productive yesterday. Morning was theatre class, where we got our scripts and all that for the upcoming performance thing in November. Then I went cycling 25.71 km and reached level/score 90 in Duolingo KR!
So basically, I knew that I didn’t want to push myself too hard today. I mean, yesterday, I already went to lie down do nothing with Spotify on and fall asleep at what, 9pm or even a little earlier? So yeah, I was totally in the mood to chill today. So obviously I’d start the day with a laid-back mode.
Started off the day with daily Wordle as usually. Yesterday I scored a Wordle in 2 in record time. Today was Wordle in 3 but that’s still good.
Then, I suppose I eventually went to watch an episode of Manifest on Netflix in the living room. With a bite of this or that…
Blablabla. Anyway, eventually I found that I just wasn’t in the mood to watch anything and so I went back to the room to lie down.
And then I realised oh! I just wasn’t in the mood for fiction because it lacks the spark of playtime for the inner child, which is precisely what I need right now.
And so I went back out and ultimately settled on playing a few games of ARAM in LOL where you roll random champions and play with them in this one-lane match. Short game. And I bought a few champions till my blue essence currency thing hit below 10k.
So here’s where I must raise something important. Just last week, I had demoted the role of the FPS game Valorant in my life. Previously, it had been something like a doing/goal-oriented thing in my life. Meaning that consistency was king and so I’d just keep going at it over time and see an upward trend!
…But then I eventually realised that it was a toxic relationship. I had this love-hate relationship with it. It truly didn’t feel all that aligned with me; really I just kept going back to it because of my attachment to it. It just truthfully was not one of those things in the life that came to me like water does to a fish. Where no matter what, you just know inside it’s right for ya.
And so thereafter, games had become a mere leisure in my life. Even if an outsider might say: you have talent! You should raise your mastery and so eventually reach higher ranks! Huh I have no need for that external validation, and I know that would not fulfill me. No thanks!!
So basically the role of games in my life had become such, subjectively taken its rightful role for me – just like a child playing with my toys, done wholly spontaneously, just to enjoy and feel happy, with zero expectation I retain of productivity, rank, or whatnot.
And so it was with that mindset that I played LOL earlier.
And long story short, in my last game, I happened to be playing with the tank Sejuani, a character I really enjoyed before and had just bought on this account the same day. And, well.
Pentakill!!!!!!
Wow, tanks really can do damage now huh! Woah!
I even got a quadra or two, was duelling ADCs and ended the game with like, what, 34 kills? π It was totally kickass dude.
And then I was so elated and I ended the session, went for lunch with some home-cooked food.
Throughout the course of the day, I did do some Go Magic which I’ve recently picked up. It aligns with me and I like it, Go. So it’s one of them things that I feel happy just consistently doing a bit of everyday to grow. π
And I also did 3 articles on TTMIK or talk to me in Korean, where I read in Korean. I’ll be done with the most fundamental level 1 in 2 days, and I’m totally happy just going slow and consistent with it you know k.
And I watched the first episode of a Japanese morning drama on Netflix. It has 126 episodes and each is just 15 mins. While honestly it’s in Kansai-ben or dialect, I feel perfectly happy just finally using it to watch Japanese!! dramas with Japanese subtitles. Yeah I’m finally doing it yeahhhh!
And obviously, all these things I’ve mentioned are things that see accumulation over time. That’s perfectly fine and obviously I’m so aligned with it. It’s just that like for the LOL games I’ve played earlier, it shouldn’t all be that way. Some things should just remain: No, I don’t see feel a want to go steadily improve in it over time, thank you very much. It’s just only for the version of myself that gets to come out, and ha of the results I couldn’t care less. I’m gonna let inner child come outta play, not my Saturn.
Here I’m using Saturn as a synonym for the mature side that does consistency. As opposed to the inner child, which is more like the well, loose ends projects you never finish!! >< Sense o overwhelming freedom.
Aka giving back to myself, like the title of this article is.
In playing the game totally spontaneously and just for the moment itself, I lived to the fullest and totally let my inner child come out to play. π
Anyways, moving on!
I also did my daily yoga along the way, but eventually I decided not to go out and stay at home and chill because I’d staunchly decided that it would be a rest day heh. My parents went out to visit my sister have dinner etc. It didn’t matter though, because I’d randomly decided to chill at home for the day!
And yeah, obviously I went to do this thing I do every day, KR Duolingo. I do 3 units a day. I ended the week in first place as usual with what, 13k exp, and then it was time to do what I’d decided to do! Aka look for new anime to watch!
I mean, just kinda scroll along Netflix and find a few I like. These will then be the few I watch. I watch shows rather slowly honestly. I also don’t care about taking on the hat of connoisseur at all I just go at my own pace! I want to live to the fullest, and obviously productivity huh you’re lame. Nah sorry jk. No what I mean is, if the doing of something is a goal that fulfills me, yeah sure!!! But at the same time I’m not forgetting about being livin’.
So first of all, let me introduce the 3 anime that I decided on.
One is about a perfect Saintess who was kicked outta her country. It was so funny watching the trash characters in ep 1 but I am so looking forward to the heartwarming life she will be going into. I like her personality like ya know not smiling because I kinda resonate with the RBF and stuff a bit!!! Alongside maybe being competent but maintaining a distant demeanour? Aot being super light happy open vulne mode everywhere… huh.
Second is about a hero who has no class. I totally resonate with it because of how I resonate with going about it with effort, sheer will! and determination even though you may not seem very cut out for it. Nobody’s! believing in him where he is, but as audience I sure am rooting.
Third is about a girl who is an actress and acts as different members in an imaginary harem to this guy. I really find her kawaii and also yeah, the acting thing resonates as well as her personality totally vibes yo!
Anyway, yeah. I’ll be super taking my time on these ones but I’m glad I found them… So basically, yeah.
After I finished the third anime’s first episode, I felt within me that my inner battery had sort of been recharged!!! And I knew that I’d be able, really, to go on with my self-imposed commitment of bi-weekly articles well, so long as I managed to find something to write about!!! But then, well, I thought that how I gave back to myself today actually felt a good fit… π
So I didn’t go compose music for my new song Perfection today, but I’ll probably be able to finish it within the month anyway. And well, life is NOT meant to be rushed to the extent that you cannot smell the flowers. Even as I meet some goals along the way, I am also enjoying the entire! process. That’s the ideal way it should be, what I kinda recently coined the idyllic life. So yeah! This is how it penned out in the end:
I more or less did all the bare minimum wjocj I had set for myself to fulfill, i.e satiating that doing side. But at the same time, I was super faithful to my being side as well! I gave me all that self-love! I listened to my inner being…
And well, for all those who have still yet to graduate from the stage of still needing external validation, well, I just want to present the possibility of your ideal lifestyle. That’s when you no longer do things just because of how others might see you and feel suffering when it isn’t met. Nope.
You are your only competition. The ideal state is one of alignment. An exhilarating stage where you live in your highest expression to the fullest.
Mehbe you meh not be quite there yet. Meh. Mehxican food is delish. >< Mehny things still between you and your mehgnificence. But well! Meh! If you just take one meh-step at a time, enact one little meh-change bit by bit.
Your future self will thank you yo.
Finally I wanna talk about how I ζεΉ or emotionally heartfelt commented something in theatre class yesterday. I told some of them:
Wow. I actually kind of feel and really like how I get to be my weird self here. That version just somehow emerges… and I kinda like it!!! π
Yeah. That authenticity is the crown jewel yo. All those places where you must be fake… maybe, they’re kinda toxic actually. Eventually, gradually shed and let go of them? The prize: be happy again just like a child.
Live 4 yourself in unity~
π Peace! Love and Light.
Daimon out. Whoosh!!!