Hey all!
First of all I’d like to say that I’ve made some headway into the composing of my new song project, Passion, and well, surely it’d be out within the month.
Next I’d like to say that inspired by a post I previously wrote about how life consists of passion and perfection, doing and being, where passions drives you to goals and perfection is when otherwise you’re perfect as you are and do not need to be anything more…
Yep, next song after Passion will be Perfection. They kinda come in a set lol.
Now, again, I suppose I will emphasise. Why do I do this singer-songwriter thing? First of all, I want to say that it’s not actually because I think super highly of the works I produce or anything like that. Rather, I think that something nice would be how a mother and child previously shot a super amateur animation movie in China based on that their own passion that sucked but otherwise went viral. Just based on that inner child.
Yes, that’s basically it. Inner child. I create to honour my inner child. The side of me that just wants to create and play and express and have fun. I give it free rein to play and do as it likes in the greatest glory. And for now at least I’m not expecting anything more of these personal projects than that.
Also, I want to emphasise that the inner child is like how a child plays with toys. You just tinker around and do whatever tickles your fancy. It’s like a theatre class. There is no right or wrong. You just bring your whatever interpretation of anything to the table and have fun. You are celebrated regardless. The highest truth is enjoyment and here non-judgment rules.
So in a sense, I’d say that both passion and perfection can tie in with the inner child. Passion, for I let my inner child come alive and play and tinker when I’m doing my creative works. It’s not trapped in a box and miserable and unable to breathe. Perfection, for aside from me seeking to achieve all my goals within a day, in the remaining time I am perfect and I can just be. I don’t have to be anything more than I am. I can do whatever I want. Play.
Have fun. No guilt. However seeming unproductive!!! Watch those dramas!
Speaking of goals, I reached Section 6 in Korean Duolingo, I’m at score 81 and I’m currently doing 3 units a day. You know what they say about neural pathways being walked – consistency is key yo!
And now I’d like to move on to talk about what I’ve dubbed the overheated aged. So if we have an inner child, I’d like to think that we also have an overheated aged. The inner child is the innocent carefree part of us that wishes to just have it easy and play, soar and have fun. As for the overheated aged… well life is such that we often give ourselves loads of stimuli that is excessive. Now, something I’ve been thinking about…
Every now and then, I come to a lull in whatever I’m doing. I can take a break and do whatever. What should I do? I fiddle about on my phone for something new to start. Loving expansion as I do, this could bring me places for sure I suppose! …But then I realise. The best!! thing for me to actually do is basically relish in stillness. Literally not do anything at all. So quietly just listen to the air currents and background noise. Zero stimuli.
For you see, sure, it honours our inner child if we let ourselves play and enjoy and have fun. Yet, at one point our engine starts to overheat. Well this definitely wouldn’t have been possible during the caveman era- they would have been at risk of the opposite!!! But well, in the current era yeah, we are at risk of overheating from excessive stimuli. So what we crave then is not enjoyment for our inner child, but peace for our overheated aged.
We need to literally not do anything, let the echoes from all that stimuli dissipate, let that overheated engine slowly run down to a comfortable sustainable level. Now that! is true self-love people. Doing nothing…
So yeah, basically I live a life where especially on Saturdays I heaped a number of commitments on myself. And I really enjoy this, sure, and wouldn’t renounce them. But the thing is for the past two months I actually took singing lessons as well to build up my foundations…
It turned into this situation where I would go to the max on Saturday – well kinda – then rest for half a morning on Sunday to cool down my engine and finally, end off with the singing class late Sunday afternoon! In fact, sadly I was too short-sighted sometimes and did a 100% full maxed out Monday too. Then kinda fell off. That’s why I eventually deduced that I should warm down on Sunday and warm up on Monday, ya know.
Anyways yeah. My point here is that I realised – maybe it’s not actually the best idea to push myself so hard? Sure, I don’t want to give up Sunday, but does it erm seem a bit toxic to make myself go hard again on Sunday? And also the singing coach told me yeah I had built up my foundations with him okay and I could just go for his group singing classes instead if I was concerned about the cost or anything. And… I bowed out after 2 months!!!
So the thing is that I received their email on the available group classes dates and I was seriously pondering what I should do and I left the email unsent forever. And I was kinda trying to rationalise to myself why I could send a ‘rejection email’ so to speak. Ughh overthinking zzz!
Anyway, the title of this article is the answer I finally came up with. 🙂
It’s not really about the situation being toxic or anything like that… well maybe. Let’s just forget about that. 🙁
Rather it all boils down to this. Do I love the version of myself that I am when I’m there?
For that’s what I realised is the most important, see.
Now, for Saturdays… Theatre class, no way. Like, I seriously slayed at small talk yesterday, a new skill I just acquired, and I so love who I am when I’m there. Japanese… no way. That’s super non-negotiable for me. Plus ultra!! I am left with cycling, which I only did about 2/3 of 25km/1.5h yesterday because of the haze. Now tbh I had my doubts for cycling, but… they honestly were vanquished with the cycling session yesterday. Cringe but true. I mean, I’m feeling quite happy with it honestly.
But what about Sunday and singing lessions? Well, to be very honest… I! …don’t really super love the version of myself when I’m there that much and find it all that indispensable…
Then from a logical perspective, I’ve kind of already got what I came for by attending those non-group but solo lessons. I got a deep dive into my foundations. All those interesting factors were brought to my awareness. Moving forward subjectively speaking I feel happy enough just playing about and indulging my inner child on my own. And it’s not like I am a professional who needs to seriously see everything mastered anyway!! It really is enough for being an amateur hobbyist, my current level…
And so yeah. I kinda decided that I’ll write that rejection email thingy tomorrow, casually, when I feel like it, no pressure, in full acceptance.
Now, let’s take a look at the hypothetical scenario. And by the way, the classes were not toxic per se. They were relatively decent I’d say. And I did learn a lot there to be honest. And quite enjoyed them. Yep. 🙂 So anyway, the scenario is – what if I did super love the version of myself when I was there?! Well in that case I’d have stayed on even for group classes if not solo, no matter what. Here’s where I want to talk about self-love.
Self-love is kinda a pendulum. It’s subjective I guess? Now, if the classes were so freaking indispensable for me, I’d have been crazy motivated to go even if there were some obstacles in the way, aka exertion. I wouldn’t even think!! of stopping. But now, honestly… they’re not. If I were to be honest really, I even feel a sense of release and freedom from just having all this time back to myself again. Like woah!!! So in that sense, it ain’t exactly about how rush rush rush it is.
I mean, at least from what I’m thinking right now, even if it’d have put me at this slightly frenetic pace and I couldn’t just go slow and go yukkuri de and live life at a pace of ease and utter calm and relaxation, if the lesson actually had been super right and aligned for me (subjectively grasped), yeah then maybe it wouldn’t have been toxic? The greater act of self-love would have been to stay? So yeah, it’s a pendulum, case-by-case thing!
Alright, I wanna wash this stopping class topic outta my mind already. And I’m sure the article is already quite substantial by now. I wanna end off by talking about non-negotiables and add-ons.
Some things in your life are utterly non-negotiables, though honestly they can just be seasonal as opposed to for life. Really you’d get them done no matter what. Like for me Korean kinda is, because I’m motivated to get to upper-intermediate aka Duolingo score 100 by 365 days. Just purely on my own flight of fancy k! And to be honest I’m not even sure at all what’s next after Korean, if there will still be a similar element in my life subbing it.
Meanwhile some things in your life are add-ons. For instance… well, I play Go sometimes. But it can be as little as once every week or once every two weeks. And I literally do Dancefit me so seldom nowadays, though admittedlly that was partially due to injuries as well. Will do it more.
Anyways, yeah. I believe it is important to properly screen whatever does and does not get access to your life. I know that sometimes, people pile on too many responsibilities. They are overloaded burnt out and they have to drop everything and start again from somewhere. Well then, doushiyou? What do they do?
Well basically, first they return to the very core and essence. They definitely do what is non-negotiable to them, what they must! do. And everything on top of that is more like icing on the cake really, as add-ons. Surely they will do the non-negotiable ones always, no questions asked. But for the add-ons, it’s not so definitely I wanna I must! Instead it’s more like this lil’ tasty!! dessert that they add to their meal.
Meanwhile, it’s also good to ask yourself prompts like what if I had all the money in the world and money wasn’t an issue at all? What would I do? To find the elements in your life that technically you could already have nicely integrated a bit of already but are just utterly not seeing and so forsaking through pure ignorance alone, rather than actual intentional neglect k.
With that, it’s really about building the ideal life for yourself. This ideal life is not based on what everyone else says is good, what you feel you should do. No, rather, it thoroughly is based on what is felt by you as the right thing for you. And if it works for you and brings you joy, honestly! Human!! You need no further proof!
And of course, I must add that everyone has different things that they see as indispensable, that can be totally different for someone else. Sure. Chill. Just accept it, co-exist the best you can insofar as you wanna make it work.
With that, I guess I came to the end of my article? Heheh. Hmm… about this being a non-negotiable… well, tbh, I’d say it’s just a part of my identity you know. It’s just who I am. Yeah, I suppose that’s a category that those non-negotiables can sometimes fall into. You don’t have to force. It’s easy. It’s just what you do, like how fish swim in water. You feel zero resistance!! It’s just like breathing. Well kinda. Does low-key feel a bit like that tbh.
K bye! I believe I did manage to get some good content infused with meaning inside, though I’m not giving marks to me and irdc lolz. 🙂
For me it’s just like a good morning exercise, a good stretch. That’s how this has felt like very honestly speaking! So yeah bowing out. Peace. And let’s use the rest of my rest warm down day of ahh! exhilarating freedom fully, to the max! Yeahhhhhh!
Be fully you! Da highest expression da best dawg! Let your inner child play, just be lost in wonder and joy! Let your overheated aged be still, peace rest!
Daimon out.