Today I’ll be talking about relationships in general, what we do for them and what they do for us. And no, I’m not specifically referring only to romantic relationships here, but more like relationships in general. Anyhow, simply peruse this and you might benefit. Let’s begin.
RP 1 – Reference Point
Some relationships serve as points of reference for us. First and foremost, simply by existing some people show us how we would like to be and what we would not like to be like. We do not necessarily have to interact with them even.
The epitome of this is called inspiration. Perhaps you see this person incredibly successful as a person, be the abundance financial or just via their character and personality trait. Regardless, you would definitely like yourself to be more like them. In this way, they serve as reference points for you.
And obviously there is the opposite of this, someone whom you can so confidently declare and assert that you’d never want to be like. Here, the power lies in contrast. Because often, you can learn not just by the isness or presence of something but also by the lack of it.
Another reference point that you may have is that of preference. Yes, this is someone you’ve never met and may never ever meet. Yet they embody this characteristic that just sparks something within you? Well why is that so? Maybe you can think about that for yourself! But regardless, first and foremost, you know what you do have a preference for and the contrast…
What you are thoroughly apathetic to. Perhaps most of your peers an have inclination for this one thing, be it marriage or stable 9-5 jobs or whatnot. Regardless, you don’t. What you can you derive from this? Well!!! Simply that your calling lies elsewhere. It is elsewhere where you will find, fulfill your true destiny. Something that clicks, truly fills you up, is right for you.
Here, the point of reference can be a person. Maybe you’ve always only ever known toxic, non-reciprocal people. However, your point of reference is a true, healthy relationship. Thus, before that joyfully comes your way you will NOT settle for any less. Or it could be a job. In your heart of hearts you know that X has always called out to you, a dull throb of desire.
One day, you sense that the time has come, and you truly go fulfill it.
Or it can really be as simple as always having wanted to move to a certain country or something. More likely than not, that desire is there for a reason, and your destiny is for you to prosper and thrive there…
Envious? Hah. Some people might be, this you know to be true. Still! What can you do about it if that just isn’t who you are, what you’re called to do, what excites you?! Yep, excitement’s a stellar reference point yo.
Another point of reference we can have is simply people for whom we are living through so to speak. We are not them, and we do not have their skills, oh no. Yet we are wholeheartedly rooting for them and cheering them on as we follow them and consume their content.
For instance, you’re a Messi fan. And he is a point of reference through which you experience the world. You celebrate when he scores a goal. Whereas you feel so sad when he’s injured. And so on and so forth.
Here, said point of reference differs from the earlier in the sense that it does not represent anything you yourself are truly seeking to embody. Rather, it’s more like an extension of yourself that you live through.
Family and friends are a good example of this as well. Truthfully speaking, well, they can be nothing like you at all, especially family. In fact, their traits can be the utter opposite of your own and if you weren’t actually related to them by blood, you might even thoroughly disdain them at worst, or just not have a very high opinion of them at all.
However. Simply on the grounds of them being your family members, whatever. You just have irrational, full, unconditional love for them!
Thus you care about them and are necessarily concerned about their wellbeing. You want them to do well. These people are also a reference point for you because you live through them in that sense.
Finally, I must emphasise that it goes both ways. For even as other people can be a reference point for you, you can totally be a reference point for other people as well! But of course, I’d still say that primarily, it all still stems from yourself…
Like the Chinese saying: 一人得道，鸡犬升天。You yourself need only ascend to your highest expression, and your surroundings will naturally benefit.
Moving on.
RP 2 – Reflection-Projection
Now this happens when you actually have interactions with other people. It surfaces either through the feedback they give you, or really from your self-awareness alone.
Now, for the less spiritually advanced, they are easily triggered. It reveals some core wounds existing within them that are not healed, for they simply could not have been triggered otherwise! And growth!!!
That is what we seek. When you talk to other people and you are triggered, that reveals to you where you must grow. Think of yourself as a crystalline ore. Slowly you refine it and dust away the impurities until it becomes an orb that’s true, clear and perfect. The same goes for us human beings. Growth is something like our spiritual homework to be honest. Our interactions with other people gives us material for our reflection!
And upon this self-reflection, we now know what to work on next. Great!
Of course, not everyone gets triggered loudly outwardly. Some are much more subtle too when you’re developed enough! An example would be…
One is where you notice that you instinctively do this whenever there is the possibility of this interaction with this other person. Now, this is more out of fear than out of love to be honest!! It’s like… a protective mechanism!
So even though you weren’t truly triggered massively, now you know. Ah. This person subtly made me instinctively do that! There’s a part of me unhealed, not refined and whole! And now, you know what to do!!
A massive part of reflection is taking right action. You see that this person, towards you, is like this. You feel that you are not treated fairly. So in the past, you would have acted like X. However, now you know that X is outdated for you. Y is getting triggered. Ah! That’s exhausting yo. Whatever can I do? Oh right! I can juat do Z instead! Perfect!
See, the human experience consists of three things – emotions, beliefs and actions. Ultimately, we transmute the former lessons away through actions.
Now I move on to projection.
So projection is where yes, there is feedback coming at you, but the feedback isn’t actual true feedback that is helpful and you can capitalise on to grow. Rather, it’s actually based on the other party’s limited beliefs and lack of enlightened, truthful perspective! This can happen in relationships all the time. But what can you do? Oftentimes what some people do is just get triggered. Ouch. Meh.
But truthfully, I suppose that ideally, one responds rather than reacts. So an automatic instinctive triggering is reaction, as you’ve probably heard before but. Responding is being in silence and seeing the truth of their words, and only then choosing how to behave in return. Oftentimes, the best response is actually… ahem. No response. Well, you just treat it like a passing cloud!!!
Ain’t got nothing to learn from it anyways. Lolz.
Regardless, I’ll explain it this way too. What they may be sending your way is? Negativity. If it’s impossible to generate positivity in response, just sit it out neutrally! While knowing its untruth just calmly let it happen, and be thoroughly unaffected. Energy mechanics. If you fuel it, argument! If basically you just let it fade away and not jump on it… it can only dissipate.
Now I must say that whether or not you seek to clarify what you see as the true perspective to them is totally up to your own judgment. Maybe out of compassion, you seek to right their limited thinking! That’s totally nice! Or otherwise, there’s also a passive stance of not! doing anything so long as it doesn’t infringe on your boundaries. This is especially done when it feels hopeless to even try to correct them. For it’s too much effort, and they won’t see the light anyways.
Oh yeah, boundaries here is more like bottom line yeah.
Anyway, back to the topic.
Sometimes, people only project on you. Whatever. They can still be great people otherwise that really enable you in other areas! Just smile and live with it. 人非圣贤，谁能无过。No one’s perfect! More on that in the upcoming, third RP of relationships.
Meanwhile others provide reflections for you. Great. You can grow!!! Also… sadly I must say that sometimes you truly just outgrow people. Sigh… They’re totally no longer a vibrational match to stay in your life orz.
But in an overlap with the first RP category of reference point, I must also mention that the subcategory of people who serve as inspiration or contrast is also!!! able to serve as a kind of reflection for you.
This person is so great. Wow, I really want to be like them. Where am I not there yet? And so on and so forth. Here, these people serve as mere reference points rather than actually having roles in your life.
Finally, I’ll move on to the third RP category, for which there is also a bit of overlap with this category!
RP 3 – Rear, Prosper
The final category is to rear and prosper. See, first let’s go into a teeny bit of metaphysics. Now, think about it this way. We have divine blueprints and our ultimate quest on this Earth is to step into the highest most complete version of ourselves.
I’ll use a plant as an analogy. The plant starts out as a seed, then becomes a lil’ sprout, then grows tall with many leaves, then sprouts beautiful flowers. This is similar to our goal in this lifetime which is to blossom into whole, full, thriving expressions of ourselves.
So there are stages in life. And we must necessarily meet obstacles and teachers as well, even in the form of unfortunately so toxic people.
However, think about it this way okay. Without these people, without these events, can you even then confidently declare and assert that you could still have grown into the current version of yourself with all your branches firm and sturdy and solid as they are?
I think that’s rather unlikely. For you see, perhaps all these were essential elements to rear you so that you could grow, level up, become and finally prosper.
Now, I must say that sometimes, elements only remain in our life for as long as they are necessary for us to be reared, and thus prosper. Once they’ve done their job, better to let them exit gracefully with a bow.
Here the relationships can be with jobs, or it can even be with communities and people. In my own life tbh I don’t even need to think much to easily see plenty of super relevant examples.
This person was necessary for me at this point in my life. I was just so thoroughly enabled by them. However, at one point in time the person ceased to be necessary, and instead I would be reared and prosper in an absence of this person instead. So this person left my life for my growth. (Not consciously known and intended on their part may it have been)
Elementary, isn’t it? It’s as simple as that.
Now, another element of growth. Now I must refer to the content of a podcast episode I listened to yesterday. So basically…
Oftentimes we are unable to truly be ourselves because of the expectations people have of us or whatnot. Here, a catalyst is needed for us to wash our hands off everything, start again and be reborn. So sometimes that is what chaos does for our life. With the fundamental underlying principle being that everything happens for a reason.
And before the season in which we prosper unfolds, the season in which we are reared. We piece together all the pieces of the puzzle that we will step forward with in the next season of our life. And others might also term this as the waiting season where preparation happens…
So basically, again, growth is the name of the game. For our highest embodiment. So don’t complain, don’t suffer, rise to the occasion…
Anyway, yeah, went off topic for a reason but I think that was really important to talk about because it can be useful for many people so.
So back to rear and prosper.
Now that I’m mostly done talking about the growth part, which as I mentioned earlier also includes toxic people because they helped you become a higher version of yourself… just forget about them and just move!! on with your life, because hating is actually energy wasted yo. Heh.
The other aspect of rear and prosper is simply as straightforward as having people or environments around you which allow you to truly be more of yourself. For instance, you feel very comfortable around this group of people because you intuitively sense they are your tribe!! Perhaps around different groups of people you have to put on a mask, diminish yourself or just be lacklustre and unforgettable…
However! Around this group of people you just feel so… liberated. There is no pressure as you can just totally be yourself and be accepted for it. And your common interests allow you to have loads of enjoyment together.
If you are surrounded by people who really are problematic, you can’t thrive. Yet if you are surrounded by the right people…. Wow. A 180°.
They know you so well, you share similar, compatible values and likes! Woah. By the way if this strikes a chord you’d better value them for reals.
Meanwhile, the exact same goes for environments. 2 contrasting examples.
Environment 1: You get to express a side of yourself you really enjoy which would otherwise just be sadly buried.
Environment 2: Yeah, you kind of like the activity well enough… Unfortunately though! They aren’t really prioritising and cherishing you, neither enabling your thriving nor creating a harmonious atmosphere in which you really feel so much joy and bonds of community.
Honestly Environment 1 is seriously for you. Meanwhile, Environment 2 can just be… totally forgettable and mechanical, just like going through the motions.
So again, rear and prosper. I firmly believe that the universe ultimately seeks our growth into the highest versions of ourselves. In that sense, a common adage is that ‘Everything is always working out for me’ like the loving parent seeks to enable their child, rear them to a state of prosper.
Therefore even when we are going through hard times, I always believe. Consider: Why is this happening to me? Because the universe is only seeking to teach, and it is but a lesson. And obviously there is also the option of literally asking the universe to give you a sign, show you why! things are actually unfolding this way.
As I’ve said before, we, in the valley, hold limited vision. Our higher self, on the mountaintop, knows, and guides us via what we term intuition. It simply is thus.
And with that, I ended up going into spirituality again to end off the article. Lol. Oh well, I suppose it flowed and fit in okay. Anyways!! I’m actually super happy with this week’s article, and I’m done for today! As usual I’ll be back next week! Again, all the best in your lives guys! Please, at a comfortable pace, enjoying it, grow into your higher version! All the best!
Daimon out.