Hey all. I could only get around to posting today because the Chinese New Year week has been really packed. Anyways, let’s begin.
First of all, I would like to point to a major realisation that I have which is linked to the use of my energy. In the past, I was willing to give to things which I believed I should do!! despite the fact that, let’s say, my energy wasn’t all that reinvigorated, revitalised and inspired by it. For instance, I’ll just point to a recent example.
I went for a regular cycling session. However, the fact is that I had just recovered from an overexertion the previous week. Still, I forced myself to go just based off the fact that it seemed I physically could. Yet, energetically my nervous system was like totally not getting high off whatsoever from it! Instead, I was forcing and straining and just trying to do my best for its own sake. I pushed to my max limit and had to stop.
…From here on out, this is no longer what I will do.
My main lesson was to avoid the burnout in the first place yeah! Rather than possibly pushing to 100% like I did before, I’ll just stop at a comfortable, hearty 75-80% where I am feeling good and energised from the workout. Then, my nervous system will not be overheated and exhausted. And in a sense it’s the ultimate form of self-love because I won’t be totally exhausted and wiped out but will still feel full, energetic…
I want to point towards an observation I’ve had which my gut feel is really quite pointing towards the veracity of. Basically, when your energy is good, your life is good. Your outer circumstances are actually more affected by your energy levels or state of being than you would think. So, never!!! overgive.
Yep, I ultimately realised that that was what I had been doing. Overgiving.
Just two examples I supposed. On the bicycle day, I had even exited the wrong exit of the MRT station even though I had been there a number of times before. Got lost and exerted extra even before starting. And the worst, sad thing? I kinda feel now that even at the very start of the cycling, rather than being enjoyable it was already me pushing, forcing and trying.
Placed in such a situation now, I really wouldn’t go if my energy levels were so inadequate! In fact I had only gone because I thought it was the right thing to do, being kinda responsible and all, aka committed. Hmph.
One more example I suppose. So basically Chinese New Year first two days, mahjong without money.
On the first day, I overgave. I felt weak. I had intrusive thoughts too. Needless to say I only won like one game that day.
On the second day, dang. I won like 60-70% of the games I’m sure. In the very first 4-5 games it was already my winning streak, and I literally self-drew the winning tile in Game 1 and Game 4. And what was the main difference? Yoyuu. I was operating out of the excess of surplus, in a comfortable position where my energy was strong and robust without overexertion.
So obviously if I had to approach the situation again I would approach it completely different. I wouldn’t overexert on the first day and I would feel good throughout it.
Now, I understand some might feel the cause-effect are reversed. Maybe I simply didn’t feel good and felt like I exerted so on Day 1 because I didn’t win! And the opposite on Day 2 because I did win! But no yo. I tell ya, my gut feeling tells me that it’s the other way round tbh.
When my energy was robust and free and not overextended and contracted, it was freaking magnetic and I attracted abundance into my life!
Ultimately, my main takeaway is that I now do a mental stock-take of my energy levels being going into activities! Ultimately? I feel that my days have become so much more enjoyable! Since my energy levels stay!! healthily rested! Remember, one telltale sign that they’re cooked is when you find your inner state around your heart contracting. You needa stop.
So obviously, do all the must-dos first and leave the optionals for when your energy levels are still plentiful enough and not yet at the limit ok.
So on to the second part of my article.
By the way, interesting fact. You know how I kinda have many hobbies? Well, Mars is doing, and 5th house is hobbies. And I literally have Mars in 5th house (in Virgo) on my birth chart. Figures lolz. It was alr written huh.
So anyways, about the polygot stuff first.
First of all, Korean. I’ll be stepping into score/level 29 today. Just three more days after and I’ll have hit 30, which is CEFR A2 that comes after A1. High-elementary as opposed to basic beginner or something like that. And exactly falling on the 90th day too since I started Korean, my streak. And I’m also in the top Diamond League already, and also in the Diamond Championship semi-finals where I’m placed fourth. I don’t do extra to chase 1st because that ain’t how you do it. It’s all about sustainability!!
I also started Spanish but just do a leisurely amount a day. I previously mentioned that I wanna learn the 5 pop culture languages first yeah. Besides English and Chinese and Japanese and Korean, Spanish! According to Google at least, that’s the last pop culture language so.
I also started taking 1% of the JLPT N1 vocab quiz for Japanese a day! Previously I took a break after finishing the N2 quiz then went to Korean and kinda branched out. But now, if it’s 1% per day, I feel that it’s totally heiki or fine. Also for Nihongo and Espanol they’re more optional as opposed to compulsory so. I’ve already skipped them one day! I’ll naturally!!! justu freely do so as is necessary, on my own judgment ofc.
Finally we come to music. I guess I do have a number of things to say about this! First of all I guess I’ll talk about how ChatGPT cured my imposter syndrome.
So first of all this and that happened, and I ended up consulting it regarding music.
One thing was about how am I really a composer? And it said I am even if I only do a basic amount and just a simple series of chords. So basically it gave this analogy to differentiate a composer and a producer with your house being built. The one who builds the actual house, puts up all the walls and the ceiling and all that is the composer. The one who adds all furnishings and furniture and paints the house and such is the producer.
So before I was feeling am I actually a composer because I don’t feel the ease in it much really. I’m just like going through the motions and doing the bare minimum. And anyway ChatGPT told me that some people, I myself included, are perfectly fine with stripping away and going down to the bare minimum of music. You know, I can kinda sing perfectly fine even without any music. Previously I actually thought that was acapella. Now…
I realised that acapella is very performative so to speak and has many sound effects and beatboxing and stuff after watching Pitch Perfect two days ago. That was what inspired me to consult ChatGPT yeah. And basically what ChatGPT told me was that many people need the accompaniment to be able to sing! Whereas for me, I have an internal sense of pitch + rhythm and am ‘self-guided’, ‘internally-paced’, and ‘comfortable operating without external anchoring’. 🙂
So when I do my singer-songwriting stuff or even singing in general I can simply just strip it down to the bare minimum and work on the essence. Meanwhile however! It’s not that I can only appreciate music this way! At least, I gleaned from it that some people can’t? Anyways I can still kind of appreciate the music when all the effects are there as it’s made impressive…
Another thing I better stamped into my brain was how I do all the parts together of the songwriting. Some people do it separately and split up into different composers and lyricists. I actually do it simultaneously, all in one. At least with the main melody line yeah! So ah right those people use the mind and principles and logic to work out how the thing should be with release and tension and impact and all that. Me? Just intuition how it feels lolz. Of course, I’m not saying that that’s better or high quality but yep.
It just is how it is.
So before I might have questioned am I even really composing or am I like skipping the part? Now ChatGPT tells me that I am just a ‘minimalist composer’, and, having built the house so to speak, I am one yeah! Even though maybe I don’t make it pretty and stuff with producer work.
So… finally the question. Should I do the composing or not!
Wait. Oops. That’s wrong. I am doing the composing for sure.
Wrongly phrased huh.
Well then! Should I continue putting in more effort on the composing part?!
And my answer is yes.
You know, in the past, my doing of it was totally experimental. I just tried to hit the essence through the lyrics themselves because as Chat-GPT explained, I am more lyrics first though I can switch to holistic too and appreciate the song well enough too in listener mode. Lyrics first is more true for singer mode.
Meanwhile, the composing was totally barebones. And I didn’t feel like it’s something that I’m truly talented at at all in the first place.
…Though now I’m seeing that I kinda have a little bit of talent to be able to do it in the first place at all yeah. 🙂
Anyways!
Experimental, essence, elevate.
If before it was only half-decent and I was totally fine with that, now I’m thinking – hey! Why not try a little hard to make something I can be super proud of and do enjoy even for the composing!! Singer-songwriter power!!!
Of course, I’m totally not to go into the producer mode and add all those shiny effects and other instruments and stuff. I’ll just stick with the software I already have now and just the piano. But even so…
You know, there are at least one or two parts in the composition of Evolve on the piano thing I composed that I quite like. Mainly it’s the transition part like right before the song begins and in the middle during a break.
So I was thinking that rather than being make-do, maybe now I’ll truly put my heart into it as well?!! and go 100%!!! As is kinda my modus operandi too.
So even with the kinda barebones no producer thing, and yeah, I might eventually find one to collaborate with when the time is right… Yeah, even then I still feel that no, rather than rushing it through and actually not super loving it, maybe next time I’ll just be a bit slower with it in making sure that I do truly enjoy and am perfectly satisfied and energised regarding the actual music composition itself. Meaning to say.
With the help of ChatGPT I michishirube-d. Ascertained my direction going forward. Re-affirmed a desire to continue working on this craft.
Ya know, I started with life, and I’ll end with life. Even though this article was more of a mishmash and rather pitifully devoid of life teachings aww.
I have this skill for a reason. I have it because the universe! wants to express and experience it through me. The desires within me are given to me by the universe; the universe plans to see the desire fulfilled into actuality. It may seem like it is going slow at the moment. Yet!!
Everything naturally follows the order of divine timing. It will all unfold as such; there is no stopping it. Forcing gets you nowhere and can only cause suffering. What is for you will always find you. You need not rush and can just go at your own pace. Simply have trust in the way it all unfolds…
I am being lived. I am content, happy. I have grown tremendously. It amazes even myself. Never feel a victim. Perspective to love, thriving.
And I’m out. I’ll probably find a new article to write in the coming week. You can count this week as not skipped.
And before I end, I’d just like to re-emphasise one final thing.
Be a connoisseur of life. Slowly sip it in. Like Taurus rising. I’m one. Lolz.
Be so fulfilled every day, in a sense you already live in heavenly perfection.
Well easier said than done.
But YOLO, so let’s own it.
Everyday, I seek to be the best version of me.
That truly goes hand-in-hand with happiness.