Hey all! This week Monday is a public holiday so I’m posting one day later than Sunday. Unfortunately, I haven’t really got anything prepared for this week so I’m just gonna make it up as I go along. Well then, here goes!
First of all, one strategy to preserve your inner peace is to not be immersed in useless explanation. It doesn’t matter if they misunderstand you. Even if that person is rather close to you, you’ve been trying to do X and they so question your integrity, thinking you’re doing the exact opposite Y, well who cares.
Just shrug it off and laugh it away. It would take too much effort to explain yourself and get them to see your point of view, and they might not even come around to see it anyway. Just let them be happy thinking what they want. You’re not any lesser off that way.
For me, even when a random colleague misunderstands something a little, well, if it’s important and might result in something unwanted I will surely clarify things and resolve the matter. However, it might not matter either way and why then, I’ll just let them think what they want. What does it matter to me anyway?
And this is also how I am not triggered by stuff in general. I have heard that some people try to ragebait or something, attempting to trigger you. Actually, that’s utterly useless unless you yourself have a lack of self-belief holding you back, and you take it as truth. For instance, if you are wearing a cap and a person says to you hey friend, your scarf looks so freaking ugly what would you do? Would you get triggered?
No! Because the untruth in it is obvious. You only get triggered when you bestow truth status upon a statement. And that can only happen when you are insecure about the issue and yourself. Otherwise it can only just float right by you like a passing breeze. Can’t phase you in the slightest really…
Ultimately, what matters most is what you think about yourself.
And I’m not really going to talk about authenticity and alignment today, because I feel like going more into the science part. So I’ll talk about identity.
Basically, do you know yourself as someone who lives up to he or she says they will do?
For instance, some people set a new year’s resolution to add this new habit into their lives. They lose motivation and stop in a month. Whenever they try to add something new in, well. This happens unfailingly every time…
Thus their identity is that they won’t be able to do it. Even when they try honestly, at the back of their minds they’re already waiting to go ah I knew it, it was only a matter of time before I gave up. This was just a phase, a fad really.
…But is this really healthy?
Consider the case of someone who actually sticks to what they say they will do.
They do so because ultimately, this is a part of their identity already. It simply is who they are.
They say they will exercise everyday. Thus, even if on Day X they’re not super feeling it, they cannot but feel haunted by the thought if they do not exercise. Because that is simply who they are. And additionally, this is truly boosted by all other aspects of their lives.
Because everything they say they will do and maintain, they duly act out.
Basically, it’s this: How accountable are you to yourself?
Are you someone who always abandons projects halfway through or do you always endeavour to see them through to the end?
As you go in all half-assed and irresponsible and cannot be counted on, why, your unconscious mind sees it to. It goes ah. This is the sort of person I am. Thus it is like a vicious cycle. It builds up. It becomes utterly fine even if you do not do what you say you were going to do. It’s fine!
So the more organic, healthy way is this.
You build a healthy relationship with yourself. You show up when you say you would show up. You teach yourself that this is who you are. You get rid of that lack of self-belief and trust in yourself. That way, you cease simply muddling about always. You are grounded with inner peace certainty and such that you will do what you say.
Why surely, some flexibility must be accounted for here. You wanted to do X today. But something cropped up and blocked it. You want to do it on A day but then ah man! It gets waylaid again. So what?!! This is who you are. It’s completely obvious to you that you will do it the very next time for sure.
And in your doing of said action, you have integrated it into your identity. Doing the action is no longer motivated by guilt and a I should do it. For really that’s unhealthy and not the right way. Honestly the right way is you truly wanting to do it because you just know it to be what you do. It is right for you. It is part of who you are. And finally well, regularity.
Consistency is an all-important factor. Obviously, some things we do every single day or even 6 times a week. For some things, twice a week would be pretty satisfactory already. There’s no real need to fault-find and be discontent about that; all the puzzle pieces have their own sizes ok.
However, you’ve really got to break it down. It’s totally okay if it’s a totally leisure thing or secondary skill. However! If you were to want to grant an activity the status of a primary skill, well, you’d better work in a schedule where you can work on it regularly enough. Often works to break it up into bite-sized chunks. It doesn’t have to be perfect. But hey, you’ll be fondly reminded of who you are every time you look at the output again.
It’s all about growing into the ideal, ‘best-est’ self you can be, wielding the skills you possess and flexing them and not letting all of them go to waste. Potential can be realised – the point of life!
Otherwise, you remain in utter stagnancy. You feel unmotivated, dull and dreary. Can you really feel peaceful, content and fulfilled in a life such as that? Totally colourless and abject, just going through the motions… as honestly, you never feel happy?
Why, there can be no true inner peace that way. Instead there would only be a helplessness, a sense of having thrown up a white flag and given up. Life is not something you look forward to every day as it should be, and yes, I’ve heard that one good trick is to set stuff that you look forward to as something that you always have, even. We’ll see. 🙂
If you’re on the wrong end of the spectrum of a good life, well emotionally so – it can even look outwardly, materially like you should feel good and everything is all set but aw shucks, why do you feel so empty – well! Actually, maybe consider just reclaiming your life bit by bit every day,, a small portion by a small portion.
Add in a small activity that actually brings you joy. Reclaim your inner child who was once able to just play around carefreely and have fun, without an active need to be productive, have something to show about it, be right…
Slowly but surely, reclaim the joy of living. Find happiness in the little things. Stably so, lose the shoulds and find wonder in living again.
Life isn’t meant to be lived for what other people think of you; it’s meant to be lived to prosper you yourself. And the highest state of being is joy…
Sure, you may have responsibilities. But do you not take joy from them? Do you only give away to others and not give back to yourself, friend?
Honestly, that is kind of a toxic relationship with yourself. You can’t truly!!!!! feel whole and happy that way y’know. And feeling whole. Basically! Complete within yourself. No need to explain. Even!! Whereupon nobody else sees you, validates you, fine. You love you, and you continue doing it for you. And you are so proud of you.
Finally, I would like to talk about the voice that you use on yourself. For many people it is such a harsh inner critic. That’s toxic. Ideally, it should really be a compassionate and understanding voice. The former… well, it lacks love. It bestows shame and is guilt-driven. One is never enough. And the latter? Well, it is love. It makes you feel comforted, safe, encouraged. Actually this can be a mirror for parent-child relationships too really.
Simply compare people who grow up with Parent Set A and Parent Set B. Honestly, the latter would be much whole, healthy people to have around. And hey, in a sense, aren’t you kind of being a parent to your weak side 2?
For we are all humans. Every day going out there we might be strong and put up a brave front but at the end of the day, lying in bed it’s our raw self. Not perfect, but with vulnerabilities and wants and all that. We ain’t robots.
So please. Love yourself. Lasting joy best sits atop a foundation of inner peace. And for that, your relationship with yourself cannot go unquestioned. Live for your sake, accountable to you.
With that, I have come to the end of the article. I’m happy that it grew from just one or two general points into completion, and I feel it is quite solid too. Now obviously, I wouldn’t say it’s perfect – no! But still, the main thing about what we do is this – freedom of expression. Let the inner child run free. Don’t judge. We need not all be superstars. We just need to enjoy life. And sometimes, that’s just by giving ourselves permission to play yo!!
And why, am I happy that my 2 weeks’ worth of thoughts has culminated in this. I added my wisdom element in I feel. And was fun too. Bye y’all!
Next article in 2 Sundays,
Daimon out