The power of the one – A theory of existence

Life is not a bed of roses. Is that an understatement? Maybe. In fact, I find that it’s pretty uninformative on top of being cliched. If you ask me, I’d put it this way: Life is full of things that disappoint and could just be better. Does this sound kinda gloomy and depressing? In all honesty, I’d say it does. Still, I’ve found that that is reality for quite a number of people at least. And practically speaking, when dark stuff is in front of us, we can’t just avoid looking at it! Instead, we’ve gotta learn to overcome this ‘mehness’ and not let it keep us down!

However strong we may seem on the surface, we are all made of flesh and blood. Sometimes, you need a bit of affirmation, a little encouragement, a teeny push forward. You need someone to just spare you some of their precious time and give you a listening ear.

At times like this, just a single person is enough. A single person can be THE ray of light for you in the darkness (pardon that cliche). Where you may be plagued by pervasive self-doubt in a bout of weakness and suspect darkly that no one could care less about you (honestly speaking, unless you’re a horrible person that probably can’t be further from the truth!), all you need is some kind soul to tell you what you want to hear.

Cue questionable people who approach you for a purpose. They see that you are lonely and have no one to talk to. They snicker inwardly ‘another sucker!’, go over and pretend to listen. Happy that somebody is even giving you the time of their day, you happily drone on and on about what you want to talk about. They pretend that they are listening and indulge you, making affirming noises. Finally they ask you to buy stuff and, touched by the attention, happily, you do. Win-win situation! They say. They earn, you get to be happy – well, at least until you realise you’ve been fleeced.

Of course, the above was just an extreme example of people who sell others things. Others are much more ethical! Also, it’s not just people who sell things. There are also those who smell your vulnerability like hungry wolves and approach you for their own sinister agendas… you see, when the whole world seems against you, won’t you clutch onto the nearest outstretched hand like a drowning man clutching at straws? Won’t you feel touched by their seeming sincerity that’s non-existent in others?

Now, I’m not trying to be dramatic just for the sake of it lol. My point is this – human beings aren’t psychics. We aren’t able to pick up on the goodwill you have for us like a radio antenna. Your very word, spoken without much thought, typed without any malice, can be transformational for a person. For this simple reason – we aren’t, simply aren’t able to know if what lurks behind is goodwill or a rejection of you as a person.

Meanwhile, consider the virtually unlimited power of the first step – the vast implications of simply going from zero to one. Everything has to start from nothing. The foundational step is always the most important – the transition from nothingness to existence. Let’s go meta and talk about this blog – here, the foundation is the first five days of posts (Phase 1?), and the consistent, regular updates for the future are the continuation. Now, just visualise zero. Then visualise one as well. What’s the difference? The difference is HUGE. The difference is existence itself.

Similarly, for human beings, all we need is one – that one person who grants us a two-way conversation (which I think is low-key one of the most precious things in this world). Without that one person, there is only actual (direct) negativity and perceived (interpreted) negativity within a person’s life. With that one person, boom! Positivity leaps instantly into existence. You literally affirm somebody’s existence. Cliched, I know, but I would say – you give them added strength to go on. To be more dramatic (bear with me pls)… where all seems lost in the dark, you are the beam of light that shines down upon them from the heavens above and teleports them to the warmness of the populated hearth. Such is the power of one – from nothingness to existence.

Of course, I get that many people are fortunate enough to have many. Good for you, really. Still, what I’m trying to say is – think about those who don’t. You could literally be their saviours for nothing more than a little bit of your time. Huh? What? Needy people are troublesome, you say? Other people can do it? Just some words of affirmation does it, you know. You call it needy? Other people? Throw them out to the hungry wolves, you mean?

Haha, seriously, I’m not gonna be absolutist like a philosopher and ask people to ‘strive to be a perfectly virtuous person’ or whatever. Idk, that sounds like it would be seriously exhausting. What I’m trying to suggest is simply – change the default way you communicate with people, maybe?

I’m not saying try to be there for everyone, because that’s just not possible. Still. For actual (direct) negativity, try not to criticise someone before even attempting to understand what they are all about. That’s just plain dumb dude. For perceived (interpreted) negativity, how about trying to be a bit more reciprocal? For example, hmm… don’t just leave behind a smiley face in reply to a private message (if the topic is serious not if you’re vibin’) – it gives zero affirmation. The recipient won’t know if you are just humouring them and seriously don’t care at all. If you seriously don’t want to give the person your time of day, just say it. Don’t leave them hanging! Give a straight no and let them know where they stand. It really doesn’t make you a worse person!

A bit of positivity can make anyone’s day. The ideal, of course, is that we can go beyond the power of one. Negativity is easy, but just how difficult is positivity, really?! Just a simple opinion does wonders – it tells the other party that you have paid attention, affirms their very existence as a human being. And seriously, it can make you feel pretty good about yourself too!

I’m not gonna say stuff like ‘if you are nice to them, they will also be nice to you when you are in need’ or ‘if you are nice to them when no one else is, you will become the most important person in their lives’. That’s just going at it from the wrong angle. Being genuinely happy for and interested in people is the right way to go! And if you only want someone to be super important to you, you may fall into the trap of becoming an angry delusional stalker when their circle expands and they are able to be happy without you (I’m thinking blue, painful and brittle). The best is when everyone can receive positive vibes from many others!

The potential for positivity is unlimited – let it stack up to infinity and beyond!

Now I would write more, but all I can think of feels cringey or cliche at this point…so…no more food for thought. See, that’s what happens when you go for lunch in the middle. Lost thread of thought. Tsk.

Instead, I think I’ll just be 矫情 – throwing away the cringe and cliche limiter!

For whatever reason, I know I have exasperated people before. Those who were kind and patient and tried to help me – even if we disagree on things, I’m thankful. As for those who wanted to get through to me but couldn’t and gave up, sorry, and I appreciate the thought.

For those who know and respect me, I love you all (strictly in a wholesome way)! You guys rock (itsuka todokeru no ka na*)! For those who think of me as a joke, though, boo, you guys suck!

So, now seems like as good a time to end this post as any (End of Phase 1!). I’d like to summarise everything I’ve just said in one final sentence: For every person you listen to, while it may mean nothing at all to you, it may create a world of difference for them.

Think about that.

Good vibes, and out (link to first post).

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*Wonder if it will reach/get through to them someday