How to achieve fulfilment in life – a case study

How does one achieve fulfilment in life? Many years ago, I theorised that happiness and fulfilment are the factors for a good life. Still, the two are not as easily attainable as that. Happiness, I believe, hinges primarily on your environment – that is, if you are surrounded by people you enjoy and are materially provided for as well, really, nothing can stop you from being happy besides your mindset.

Fulfilment, however, is a bit more complicated. For you to be fulfilled, the pursuit of something must be involved. In simple terms, a goal must necessarily exist for you to work towards. And really, that’s actually harder than it sounds. Yes, it may sound simple, but more often than not, one’s so-called goals are nothing more than fanciful fluff there to look pretty.

How many people actually decide on something, stick to it and see it through to the end? Every year, you see people making resolutions for the new year. Every year, you easily see them throwing in the towel less than a month later. Why does this happen?

As always, I feel that the best way to break down this situation is to look at past experience – as I said before, insights do not come from a vacuum. And so, it’s time for a personal case study of sorts! Yay!

Oh, hold on. First, I think that it is very important to emphasise that goals are decided by the self and not society. You do not simply seek to succeed in what society tells you is important. Rather, you judge for yourself what you feel is important to you – or maybe you want to do it for someone you love, that’s perfectly fine – and you aspire towards it.

Okay, what comes to mind when you hear the word productivity? Well, one may think that if you are, say, watching television, you are wasting time and being unproductive. Only when you are actually doing ‘meaningful stuff that ought to be done’ are you being productive. My parents would call doing housework productive… Oh well. Let me break this further down. Technically, it’s actually not wholly wrong!

Objectively speaking, productivity is often associated with objectivity, as in how efficiently a task is carried out. However, the subjective aspect is one that cannot be overlooked. Only when a person is actively striving to attain a goal do they derive any meaning from it. The reverse would mean that it’s truly meaningless to them, so how can one even speak of productivity? Really, it’s just pure mehness.

On to the case study. So, I believe that you choose your goals for yourself. Personally, academics was never one of mine. For some people, good results are very important and they do quite a bit of grinding. Where in an MMO you grind by killing mobs and gaining experience in order to level up, in academics you grind by crazily spamming past year papers and mindlessly memorising things. When you manage to succeed, society gives you its seal of approval!

Am I a bit of a maverick? I don’t know, but I have literally straight out been defiant and refused to study at times (don’t judge). Anyway, I’m happy for those who get good results but I don’t feel the need to be part of that race. I have my own little cut-off point of ‘good enough’. Enough said.

Tip 1: When engaged in something, clearly know what it is that you want. If what you are doing helps you towards your desired future, great! But if you realise that it actually isn’t so necessary after all, perhaps… you should rethink what you are doing.

Hmm. So, goals… let’s go meta and talk about this blog. I’ve been spending several hours writing posts these past few days. I don’t know if people will actually read this or not. And yet, I find that I totally don’t mind writing all this down anyway… Of course, I would be outright lying if I said that I’m not writing this blog hoping that people will read it someday. Fundamentally, it surely involves a deeper desire to connect with the hearts and minds of others…

Rationally, I know that there are no promises. But even then I believe in what I am writing, have a bit of confidence and take pride in my work. And that’s all that is needed for now. The desire within me drives me forward… and now for a little origin story.

It was last Wednesday when I thought ‘hey I should start a blog’. That very day I was thoroughly wiped out by a capitalist (as you can read on my previous post). Day over. So on Thursday, as soon as I got home I went on my laptop, did some research. Click, click, click. Boom! Committed for three years! And that’s how a brand-new blog was born.

Tip 2: Sometimes, you need to force yourself to commit. You know you have that desire. You cannot allow it to fizzle out weakly like a dying ember. Be decisive! Ignore rationality! Thinking will lead you nowhere. Take a giant leap; let the momentum propel you forward.

Next, picture your life. Do you find yourself often just going through the motions? Do you really enjoy what you are doing? Many people aren’t really doing anything in their lives beyond what society asks them to do, whether that is working or studying. We simply burn time away, day after day. We look for validation on the internet, cheap entertainment capturing our eyeballs. Once a while, we wonder, “Hey, this looks like it may be interesting. I wouldn’t mind doing it one of these days.” And more often than not, we don’t, not unless there is an outside impetus. Passive is the name of the game.

Some people wave procrastination around like a flag to be proud of, the status symbol of ‘I’m not going along with society’s games’. The problem is – neither are you living for yourself! All that’s happening really is that you are stagnant, not really trying to achieve anything, ready to let age creep over you without a tale to tell for the future. Maybe we’re waiting for something good to enter our lives? Well, stark reality says – be prepared to wait forever then.

So to show that I’m not an armchair philosopher, I actually spent some time today and yesterday working towards a goal – namely gaming. First, a bit of info here. The game has a ranked mode. In reality, I don’t think I’m all that terrible or untalented at the game. Still, I was basically leaving my fate all to luck. When I was lucky, I would get a win streak. When I was unlucky, I would go on a losing streak. Sometimes, I would be playing well. Sometimes, I would be playing terribly. I didn’t really care. Anyway, I recently had a losing streak and I dropped three tiers to what you can basically consider rock bottom…

Yesterday, I googled how to be a better player. The primary tip that I implemented into my gameplay was playing proactively. Rather than just being passive and waiting for stuff to happen, going on autopilot and not using my brain, I started thinking about what I was doing and making calculated risks. With that, I started playing seriously in every game. These are my results when I changed my mindset to one of fulfilling a goal (of getting better):

Game 1: I was the top player on my team. We could have won if I had played a bit better though, I believe.

Game 2: I was the top player on my team. We went from 8-1 to 10-11. I steadied myself, though, and didn’t panic. Three rounds in a row to us and victory!

Game 3: It was an awful game that became 4v5 after a few rounds. I was the top player on both teams. The other team’s MVP had 20 kills but somehow the system deemed I did better.

Game 4: I was the second top player on my team. For some reason it was totally one-sided.

Game 5: We were 6-2 up at some point but it all went downhill. I was the second top player on my team just by a small margin. Some people were doing so badly I wonder if they were trolling.

Game 6: I carried, especially for the first several rounds. Teammates did pretty assuringly afterwards too. I was the top player on both teams.

Game 7: I did good the first two rounds but didn’t really contribute afterwards. Was gonna do better but no! The enemy actually surrendered wow.

Conclusion: If I had played like I normally do, I would probably have gotten demoted. But now that I’d consciously decided on the goal of doing better and worked towards it, I was actually the top player on my team for more than half the games (I did just enough to fill up a screenshot)! The same applies in real life as well. If you think of it as ‘going for the experience’, you will most likely just 走过场 (do it for the sake of doing it, without really deriving much enjoyment from it). Meanwhile, if you actively desire and try to do well at it, you’ll find yourself rather enjoying it! Life is much more palatable that way.

Tip 3: Are there some things in your life that have become more routine and robotic for you? Do you find that you are not actually enjoying them when you did before? Well then, maybe you should consider trying to get better at them or find something else!

Sometimes, there are things you know you want to achieve. But the method you are using to achieve them – well, there just isn’t that feel to it, you know. Trying to achieve this goal using this method – there is this nagging feeling of aversion. Even if rationality tells you that it should get you somewhere, it just doesn’t feel very appealing to you at all!

For my case study, let me use the example of learning Japanese. First, I composed posts in Japanese on an app. That was fine and all. But then I hit a wall in my growth. Time to try something else! I read a whole book in Japanese at the pace of 5 pages a day. Hmm… it was okay, but I just haven’t gone back to revise all the vocabulary lists I made yet. I should though. Maybe I’m just lazy. Another method I tried was learning through subtitles. Well, that just didn’t feel very efficient for some reason… Um, maybe I should go back to talking to people in Japanese like I did when on exchange. Or maybe something else. Who knows? I just have to find something that works, something that I enjoy, something I will feel motivated to do.

Seriously, the method you use to achieve a goal has a real effect on motivation.

Tip 4: What method are you using to achieve your goal? Do you enjoy it and believe in it as something that’ll work for you? If you don’t, maybe it’s time to rethink your methodology…

Finally, there are some kinds of goals which are difficult to achieve because you are afraid of people judging you. For example… say you are not dieting but just don’t want to take in extra needless calories. Yet, your entire family will just see food and go eat food even when it’s not mealtime. Additionally, your colleagues always order drinks at lunch and sometimes they’re even treating. It might be awkward for you to say that you don’t want anything. Of course, this example is only a relatively tame one… ok um, maybe you wanna say itadakimasuuu but you are too self-conscious to… (Hey, hey!) The more spiritual you are, the more you’ll feel that this is the right thing to do rather than something whimsical and an individualistic statement of choice!)

When faced with such an obstacle, you should consider the extent of your desire. How badly do you want it? And if you realise that you really do want it bad, all potential obstacles will simply pale in comparison. If you are that sure about what you want, just tell people that that is what you want and get them to respect it. Alternatively, look for someone with experience and get their assistance, ignoring those who are more narrow-minded (This is a general theory and is not pointing specifically to anything in particular. Additionally, it is not an endorsement for immoral actions which infringe on the rights of others).

Tip 5: Is there something you want but are not able to properly commit to because you are afraid of people judging you? If so, meditate on how badly you want it. That should give you the answer.

And that’s basically it! Wow, today took real long as well. Reminds me of the hardcore HSSB days. Oh, and mehspeak. How nostalgic… Hmm…

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Random reader(RR): Are you gonna do this everyday?

D: No way! This is a real time sink man. And these have been a real crazy few days. I gotta sort out my goals.

RR: It’s been tough huh.

D: Yeah! When I go hardcore, I scare even myself! Kekekeke…

RR: How often will you post then?

D: Most importantly, I need to have an idea what to post about! Well, I do vaguely have something in mind for tomorrow, but it’ll probably reach a healthier pace after…

RR: By the way, I think your posts are a bit long?

D: Well, it takes much less time to read it than to write it. By the way, is it true that internet people have the attention span of a goldfish?

RR: Hey… I was just making an observation.

D: No seriously, just wondering. Anyway, how do I put it… It is not I who sets the length of the content. It is the content that coalesces and manifests into coherent life through my vessel…

RR: Wah…

D: This ain’t fiction you know! I don’t need to hit per chapter word limits for the publishers!

RR: I get it I get it! Please, write all you want!

D: I would like it if it were shorter too. Hmm, speaking of fiction…

RR: Yes?

D: So before I was thinking that I could branch out to like posting about hobbies and stuff too, though not on the main website…

RR: Sounds cool.

D: Hmm, maybe I should start posting original fiction here too.

RR: Um… yeah, maybe, I guess?

D: Nani? Are you saying I cannot write fiction?

RR: Noo! Daimon-dono! I didn’t mean it like that! Yurushite kudasai!

D: Okay…

RR: Didn’t you say earlier that you have to sort out your goals? You might not have time…

D: Oh yeah… true. I should really think it through huh. Quality over quantity. Mmm.

RR: By the way, I wonder if I should find new goals to work towards. Any advice?

D: Hmm… okay, let me put it this way. You should add goals if you find you need more meaning in your life.

RR: But…

D: Yes?

RR: The form is emptiness, and emptiness is the form…

D: …Okay! You win!

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So umm there is a perfectly justifiable reason for all of this. See, I am essentially paying homage to philosophy. Ever heard of Plato? His writing style was that of dialogues – he basically wrote from the standpoint of his teacher Socrates, discussing ideas with some other not-so-smart people. So, writing this as a former philosophy student it isn’t that I’m weird or anything… rather, my professors would be so proud of me! wwwww