A relatively illuminating principle we hear is not to live on society’s terms but our own. However, this itself is often still insufficient in decision-making processes! For even when we do not hold our selves to external standards, there are practical decisions we must make, whether big or small, consequential or fleeting, in our lives.
Sometimes, these are repeated decisions that you must go through on a daily or weekly basis. It may even be the case that these don’t really seem like decisions as much as losing battles – there is really not much point in futilely resisting and sticking with your ideals in the face of these distasteful ‘decisions’, it seems. And then you are also sometimes faced with more life-changing decisions – whether it’s to pick up a new skill or to find a new job, there appears to be just so many possibilities existing. How then are you supposed to decide solely on one?
How then do we go about these? For the first, admitting defeat appears to be the rational option. For the second, according to standard decision-making theory I learnt in school, maybe you should rank the options based on the acts, states of the world and outcomes. Acts refers to the decisions, states of the world to how things objectively are and outcomes to how it all turns out… Still. Even if you accept using this kind of theory, what if you are not actually even able to land on a couple of acts to choose between in the first place? Also, aren’t your outcomes just successful versus not successful? Are there even states? Really, it just ain’t useful here.
So, the simple answer is this. Based on living on one’s own terms, you get the formula ‘do whatever you want to do’. This may sound selfish to people who don’t really think about stuff, taking everything at face value. Still, based on the very same formula, you don’t need to justify yourself to everyone, only those you care about! But an obvious flaw of this formula is that if there are several different possibilities regarding what you could do, all of which would not see you trying to pander to someone, it doesn’t help you to choose! As such, a different formula is needed. And the formula is none other than this: naritai jibun ni nare (become the self you want to be!!!).
Sometimes in life, you will find yourself wishing that things could be different: If only I were not like this. Sometimes, it is really because you sense a flaw in your personality. Sometimes, though, it really doesn’t mean that you wish you were different! Also, your personality is actually great in your opinion! It’s just that things are not working out for you, which really sucks, and so you are feeling kind of down. Now, it really is significant to differentiate between these two scenarios because just feeling down practically gets you nowhere. If you find that it’s the first scenario, the answer is so very straightforward – change, and become the version of yourself whom you wish to be! As long as you knowingly aspire towards it, it should be achievable. If you find that it’s the second scenario, though, what you should do is similarly to visualise – how do I want to be like? Is there any way I can work towards being like this? If you must still tolerate many losing battles, it’s fine. Just ultimately picture an alternative to these repeated outcomes – for now, you may still have to stick to this route. However, work towards future independence from a route like this that makes you feel bad about yourself. In other people’s eyes, this route may be perfectly normal, justified, unquestionable. However, if it makes you feel that bad, know this – basically, it’s an obstacle for you to overcome. Keep the peace. But know this, world – I will have my independence one day! These cold, ironclad shackles will come off one day! And then, I shall be free, and I shall soar.
Become the self you want to be – this is something to constantly keep in mind. Sometimes, you find yourself stuck within your own mind, paralysed from action. What to do? The sole thing which can get you moving is motivation. And what better motivation than truly picturing the self that you want to be? This is my flaw. History has proven that nobody will help me if I go on like this. People are proven to just leave you alone and wait for you to sort things out yourself. Your opinion of that method is objectively irrelevant. These are the rules of the game that you are playing. Thus, the only way to get out of the rut you’re stuck in is to enact a change within yourself, precisely by deciding to do so rather than mope.
Additionally, how do you make your actual decisions? Personally, I’ve almost never made any weighty decisions in life prior to graduating from university. I’ve kind of just gone with the flow. And when the flow ceases to exist, it blindsides me! With something consequential on the board, all I have to guide me is the whimsical part of myself as always. And you’ll probably agree that leaving all that weighty stuff to the whimsical part of yourself to decide isn’t really a very good idea after all…just because something has always worked doesn’t mean that it’ll always continue to work in the future. I definitely know of this philosophical truth, but you just gotta personally experience something to know of its applicability sometimes. People are subjective and thus have blind spots.
Okay to be honest, I cannot say that my decisions have all been fully whimsical. Maybe they have only been about 50% whimsical and the ‘thought through it’ aspect does still apply to them. Still, nonetheless. The decision process does not feel very satisfactory at all! If you take into account multiple different possibilities, how can that feeling of having made a ‘right’ decision be obtained?
And this is where I will naturally go to the formula: become the self you want to be. Naturally, people will just conceive of the pros and cons of something. And so, if they feel like doing what it is they’re considering, they will list one or a few pros as justification. And if they don’t feel like doing it, they will similarly list one or a few cons as justification. Basically, though, it is all about whether they feel like doing it or not! A major function of rationality is its ability to justify the self, whether one cares to admit it or not… We generally have something preceding rationality as the basis for our worldviews. Anyway, it just doesn’t seem like listing the pros and cons is a very useful method. The ‘finding a compromise’ method learnt in decision theory class also cannot work when you aren’t trying to prioritise and still uphold two things you value. The method that we use, no matter what, must still be a subjective method because human beings truly have no actual objectivity available to us, being unable to separate ourselves from perspectives. Above all, I still find visualisation the most useful.
Conceive of the sort of person that you would like to be. Once you have done so, you should be able to definitively give parameters as well as rank your priorities. As the largest danger is going through a similar thought process countless times before stopping and having to go through the exact same thing again next time, write it down if you have to! Do it once and do it well and you’ll be spared from having to go through the same thing again and again. The key is really to keep the focus on the topic, and what better focus could exist than the self you want to be? Whenever you sense your mind drifting away into inactivity (because it’s far too inconclusive): Become the self I want to be. Anchor your mind to the topic with that motivation provider. So if all goes well, you will find yourself having made a decision that you are convinced by. This is the sort of person that I want to be. Because of that, I am currently doing this in order to achieve this ideal version of myself! As opposed to: ‘Okay, this seems like a pretty good reason for me to do this…hmm, I’ll do this then, I guess?’ all while wondering if there are better options available and doubting if you really are cut out for it. Logically speaking, you perform better if your mind is fully focused on something as compared to being half-hearted in doing so. Doubting and wondering makes you half-hearted. If you must really do so, get it over and done with once and for all, mate!
If you set your mind to anything, you can do it. That’s so freaking cliched. I really prefer the inverse: If you don’t set your mind to anything, you can’t do it! Now, that’s so much more practical!
To sum up, naritai jibun ni nare! There are two prevailing states of mind in this world: the defeatist state and the surpassing state. In this defeatist state, we accept ‘reality’ as it ‘is’, never ever seeking change. In a surpassing state, we boldly challenge reality for what it isn’t – yet. In doing so, we shape it, and bring it closer to our ideal image. If the world isn’t to your liking, which option would you choose? Change the world or change yourself? Well, is that even a question? The answer is obvious. Change yourself such that you’re able to change the world – logically, this is the only realistic option.
And on a final note, this statement helps you to avoid escapism. Are you idealising some option because you are dissatisfied with your current life and vaguely feel that things might be better with an alternative, fresh start? If so, don’t get your hopes up too high – basically, that’s kind of wishful thinking and therefore unreliable. You’d do better thinking of that sort of self you’d want to become!
Meaningful lyrics of optimism here: