In my eyes, authenticity is a pretty important thing. That’s because it conveys the true self to others. In that sense, I am also showing my respect to others because I am never ever trying to deceive them.
However, one must know that authenticity does not point to a single route! Some may think that authenticity involves simply baring your true thoughts without reservation. However, that is just not how it works. That method may work – however, it is very clumsy and is actually prone to backfiring as well! It highly depends on the other party’s emotional receptiveness/open-mindedness. Also, it isn’t that everyone’s personal development is at a good enough stage that the true thoughts they bring to the table are positive/valid. That is the problem that comes with embracing subjectivity – some people unfortunately give it a bad rep!
Anyhow, authenticity doesn’t mean that you have to self-implode by baring yourself whole! You may discover that some people just aren’t mature enough to accept it as it is. They may even misconstrue it as weakness or whatever. Now it’s fine and all to be proud of yourself while even feeling sorry for the other party (a possible scenario), I guess. However, this does not help you with avoiding any similar scenarios! Basically, if you find that this method of communication does not work, you should look for another one that might give you better results… Don’t just stick with the clumsiest method (it’s risky)!
(I was reading about authenticity online for fun, so…)
Okay, let me reminisce on this presentation that I gave back on exchange in Kyoto. This class was about sustainability, and our presentation was on breweries in Germany. So basically other presentation groups all had like 4-5 people I guess, while my group size near instantaneously decreased over the course of the semester to two – me and this other Japanese guy. 4 of us met up for a group meeting for presentation proposal. No one had anything done when we were supposed to hand it in and eventually some of them did this last minute work in class. By the presentation two of them had just evaporated from the class (don’t ask me how uni works there). I presented with the last remaining guy eventually (I carried the whole thing and he thanked me profusely or something). As for the final group report, we simply didn’t do it (I felt I had done my share. Meanwhile he didn’t seem to want to do it. It was worth like 10%. So I just accepted that he wasn’t going to do anything, and he accepted that nothing was going to be done and we parted on amicable terms just like that).
Anyway, I digress. About the presentation. While it was super last minute work, what, should I have done a mediocre job while acting pitiful and telling the teacher that we only had two members? Sonna! Of course not! What I did was this. Where other groups simply went for the standard, reliable style of stats and whatever, I went for the ‘concept sell’ type of presentation which is my style. I came up with a quirky idea (only decided the topic then, got super passionate about it, erected a defensible fort in which I could justify whatever was thrown at me (figuratively!) and enjoyed myself to the max! Presenting based on pictures rather than text, etcetera…
Now, what does this have to do with authenticity? Personally, I feel that I was living authentically in how I went about things overall. I might have some flaws… but flaws are meant to be realised from experience and later overcome! What place does clumsy honesty have in this authenticity? I feel that there was this straightforward honesty involved here, on the contrary – like me asking my partner are you gonna do it? He’s like no. I’m like okie! Got it! Here, I feel as if this kind of direct honesty is a very refreshing one, with respect in it and all… but is it clumsy? No! It feels kind of cool, even!
(I’m still figuring out what I’m going to say as I go along, don’t mind me…)
Here, it seems to me that authenticity needs to be coupled together with a situational awareness. For example, a presentation is like a performance – you’ve got to own the mood of the stage! So if admitting that you’re nervous is something that you wanna do, you gotta do it by converting it into a witty quip or something! (I must admit, there was some article I read about helpful or harmful authenticity – it’s what made me relate it to the topic of presentations. My anecdote, though, is 100% true).
So again, about being clumsily honest (that’s when you acknowledge how awkward you feel). Should it be done or not? Now I immediately think of a situation where someone doesn’t say anything about some stuff but merely silently observes. Then at the end of the day they go back and write a long rant about how they feel things should have been… for some, this just doesn’t make sense! Say it when you are there already! Otherwise, you are just wasting your own time by surrounding yourself with negative energy doing the so-called observation mode (just a random imagined scenario). People present then who accompanied you will just wonder – well ok, but why didn’t you just say this then? Okay, hold your horses… Wouldn’t somebody following this authenticity thing not hold it in and immediately be forthcoming with what they feel when they feel it? Okay, well yes! But no too! Hmm, that’s precisely why clumsy honesty does not inform your actions when you’re talking about authenticity. It does not point to a single path! So if you think about it, people ARE able to authentically withhold things so as to not spoil the mood (as is what really happened in this scenario – note the irony of not spoiling now but spoiling later, where either could be authentic)!
So, what if you say whatever you’re feeling at the time and it kills the mood? Well, I always believe in looking at things on a case-by-case basis and feeling for yourself. One really is prone to falling into the nasty ‘generalisation trap’ otherwise. As a general rule for human beings, I just wanna say this: strive to be better, and strive not to be dogmatic. These amount to just ten words, but it’s harder than it looks! Meanwhile, authenticity is a readily available thing! In truth, it simply means living how you want to live in a way that comes naturally to you. What sort of qualities does a particular situation call for you to exhibit? If you (真心真意) earnestly, sincerely answer ‘your style’, you’re authentic. But that style? You’ve got to discover, feel that for yourself and develop it over time. And as for people who like to purposely misconstrue the words of others to their advantage? They have no style. They’re just lame.
Note: That’s all for my ‘In defense of authenticity’. Hope it made sense. This was totally impromptu…. I only found a topic at 5pm. Clumsy honesty? Huh? Nani? Oh, that’s just my choice, you hear.