Hi all!
So earlier in the day I really didn’t have anything I felt like writing about, but then finally a topic came to mind! So I’m just gonna write about it!
Yup, so, validation and authenticity. What do you first think of when you hear these two words?
Basically, what comes to mind for me is how many people’s lives are shaped not merely by themselves, but in large part also by others. And the most classic example of this would be wanting to receive validation from parents and thus being diligent to live up to their expectations. And in Asian households especially, this may look like ticking off a checklist of the things that you need to possess in order to have face amongst all.
For instance, in order to be very socially presentable, your child needs to have gone to a good school, attended an elite university, secured a neat job at a reputable company. Even better if they have good looks, have found a life partner, are working to get a house together etcetera.
Yeah, all of this is well and good, true, until it conflicts with what you actually want!
For example, in a webnovel I’m reading, this dude from a reputable company quits his job and goes to become the manager of a livestreamer who plays VR games. And then he feels embarrassed!!!!!!!! Because in the eyes of society, he had everything. And yet to throw that all away and dive into uncertainty?!
Well, as society saw it, at least, he had everything he could have ever wanted from life. Why throw it away?
But see, the thing is that those are just general expectations, AND the expectations of others. I mean, if we are robots conditioned and neatly programmed to ideally be a certain way and all, sure, I guess it’s alright to fault him.
But no!!! We’re human!!! And the thing about us human beings is that we all have our own path.
Now, let us just take a look at a rather important social topic, that of childbearing.
Some people just do not possess the desire to have children and would much rather do without! Well, in fact, that’s the life they want to live. Who can fault them?
Meanwhile, others aren’t attracted to the… conventional opposite gender. Or have problems with their own.
Well, to be honest, that’s the exact same thing actually! What can you do about that? It is just part of what the universe has ingrained into your very being!
And the logic extends to all other topics within our lives as well.
See, something spiritual people might say is that you are just as the universe created you to be. The best way to be is to truly embody! that.
And very inspiring too is this thought: the desire you have is only there within you because the universe decreed it to be so! You were MEANT to have it!!! So, don’t throw dirt all over it and live true to it, for maybe that’s what your calling is!
So something which I’d rather prefer to dub ego consciousness is when people tend to put up appearances so that people would tend to view them a certain way and like them. That’s the classic thing that the character Aoi Hinami in this Japanese light novel I’m reading does. She’s viewed by everyone as having a ‘perfect heroine!’ persona, see. And the thing is that it’s all precisely manufactured by her to a tee.
Yet, hey. Just think about it.
Will we truly be happy if we merely work hard to live up to the expectations of others, to gain our feelings of self-worth from validation? For one, it’s conditional, whereas love is… well, unconditional.
Meanwhile, you may not truly enjoy that role that you’re being asked to act out! You may not have any real fulfilment from it whatsoever as it’s another thing that is secretly tugging on your heartstrings! Meanwhile, really, what’s the point of being liked by some people who are mere passer-bys – strangers really – in your life??
So the thing is not that I’m rejecting!! the standards in place, no. Seriously, I’m supportive of them if you, abiding by them, find that it resonates and you really gain a lot of joy and fulfilment from them. Perfect! You do you, human! Great that you aren’t a stray lamb, wayward and lost.
However, what I just have!!! to emphasise is simply this.
At the end of the day, validation isn’t long-term, sustainable.
Because, the preference of others is totally out of your control!
Maybe you do something, try really hard to please them. But at the end of the day the validation is just a transient high and you go back to your lack of self-worth again.
Huh. Like, seriously!!! Just why are you trying so hard!!! And also, hey! Whatever commitments in the process are things that you HAVE to follow up on! Whether you like it or not! You’ll be the person experiencing those moments!!! And in the meantime, they! are just as likely to not have you on their minds during the process whatsoever.
So, please think about it this way. At the end of the day, you are the creator of your life – well, co-creator with reality at least – and you choose the path that you will be following going forward. Other existences have their perspectives on what would be best for you, sure, but at the end of the day, it’s your call, by you, for you.
Knowing this, why not we try to shift!!! our way of looking at things! Now, let’s saying you’re doing something that is very socially laudable. Well! To be honest the image this portrays of me to others really doesn’t matter to me all that much. Maybe it causes everyone to see me in a really positive light, yeah. Oh, cool. Sure, I guess that does make my ego a little happy.
But still! At the end of the day, all things considered… The thing truly! making me happy is none other than me myself, and the path forward which I’ve chosen!!! Because it fully aligns with me and what I stand for!
So to you who are spectators on my journey I have this to say. Nice, I’m glad that you can appreciate and enjoy my journey alongside me. But still! Don’t even think for a moment that I’m doing what I’m doing because of you!!!
Like, huh, I’m doing it for me, baby!!!
Not for your approval and validation yo!!!
And this nicely brings me to this principle that I strongly believe in: the greatest agent of change is none other than oneself.
See, you can’t always have people supervising 24-7, trying to boost your life trajectory to the very max. Sure, they can in the effort. But they also have other responsibilities and things to place their attention on! So, at the end of the day, it’s really up to none other than you yourself to dig in your boots, invest the effort and rocketlaunch yourself to a better place.
Yeah, I mean, technically, I could continually put in the effort to make sure that they do what I think they’re supposed to be doing that they otherwise overlook.
But like, hey!!! If at the end of it, what results is that I just step away for a moment and they have not the desire to do a thing about it… really! Yo is there really a point?
Now ideally, I believe that the best state of affairs is to cultivate a state of awareness in said party such that they have this awareness or desire for whatever area that they might be somewhat deficient in. And they naturally, ever-so-effortlessly and with ease, go put some effort on it themselves, because they themselves see the need to!
But, if it’s otherwise. Like, hey! What’s the point, really!
Well, let them just live however the flower they want till life decides they need to grow and sends ’em a wake-up call then! Before that happens, feel free to let ’em live however they want!!!! Enjoy!
Now, I am aware that this viewpoint of mind is somewhat also a limited perspective too, based on my life experiences and all. Like, for instance, if, say, I had an intellectually disabled child and I had to do my best!! to take care of all their needs, and they can’t really do self-growth very well…
Fine! I understand! Maybe I’d be much more inclined to accept! disheartening ways of living like the above that I previously portrayed in a bad light!
But, hey, as spiritual people would say, we all have our own life lessons we were put here to learn. Yeah, so maybe I’m being called to take a closer look at wisdom and just the application! of wisdom itself. Meanwhile, someone could have incarnated just for the pure sake of learning love itself!!! And all that they need to get a passing grade, so to speak, would be to shower the child with all their love and concern!
And so, what I would like to say is hey, please, just take my words only as they apply to you. Where they are not actually something that you can capitalise on to make an improvement in your life, well! Feel free!!!!!! to just ignore and forget about it!
And sure, validation would be quite important in such a scenario, like feeding sweets to a child…
Well, anyway! The main thing, really, is that like always, I’d like to highlight the importance of living a live aligned to yourself. An outsider’s relation to this is a mere appraisal, a mere evaluation. Meanwhile your relation is actually to experience it, live it out.
So, isn’t it super obvious by now which one should hold more weight??
By all means, you can strive for a life in which everyone is happy!
But, that does NOT mean that you have to get everyone to like ya!
See, EVERYBODY has haters, because, subjectivity is real!
So, yeah, curation is kinda an important thing in life.
But in the process!
Don’t forget!
The main thing is that you forge a life that so aligns with you! Not for the validation you get from others, though ideally you should have a supportive community by your side that aligns with you and gives thumbs up along the way!
And in order to achieve that, really… well, I guess that I could mention an important life lesson.
Something that does really help in your spiritual evolution and ups the level you’re at is to learn to accept everybody, regardless of whatever perceivable differences, as they are! They’re just! as life shaped ’em!
Judgment and discrimination are kinda really low level things tbh.
So little by little at least, try to integrate this a little… into your awareness?
Cause see, like I mentioned earlier, that’s how changes occur! Hah!
Oh well, I feel that this is as good a place as any to turn the pages and flip the book shut. At any rate, my weekly goal-quota thing is to have two articles written per week, and I’ll happily tick an article one off a figurative checklist now! (Yeah, it’s totally by my own intiative rather than being part of any official work thing. But hah, what did I just say?Live BY you, FOR you! Yeeeah!)
Enjoy the week! Have fun and bye!